These Words given by A Father That Helped Us during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the reality rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good place. You must get support. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more comfortable addressing the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a wider failure to communicate among men, who often absorb damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a show of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to ask for a pause - spending a short trip abroad, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I feel like my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."